The Oscars: cometh the hour, cometh the cross-dressing man

March 14, 2010 by John McKie · Leave a Comment

Eddie Izzard

The hardest job in the entertainment industry.

The nominees:

The person whose job it is to say no to James Cameron.
Susan Boyle’s choreographer.
The PR who has to draft Kanye West’s apologies.

And the winner is – hosting the Oscars.

Award ceremonies are a tricky beast at the best of times – especially, as Peter Kay found out, talking over the braying music industry hordes at the BRITs. If you want to know why his routines were so short (Man walks on stage. Man says “Lady Gaga: New York’s answer to Su Pollard”. Man walks off stage), look at the audience. Frank Skinner shudders when he mentions his stint where his BRITs routine was greeted with cavernous silences. Tough crowd.

Tougher than that is at the Academy Awards. Actors are at their most unconvincing when the camera hones in on them trying to laugh at themselves. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin’s failure this year wasn’t reading the room, but virtually proof-reading it until the routine was so polite it had turned the air a shade of beige. “Vera Farmiga, the star of Up in the Air.” “Did I pronounce that right?” “Up.. in.. the… air?” That was one of the better lines. Yup.

The next host needs to think of the audience at home before the one in the Kodak Theatre. So what if an Oscar nominee’s feelings get hurt? It’s the one show they’re unlikely to snub 12 months later.

We’ve had female actors (Whoopi Goldberg), Australian actors (Hugh Jackman), actors with comic chops (Baldwin), daytime TV presenters (Ellen DeGeneres, now in the Paula Abdul nice judge role on American Idol), news satirists (Jon Stewart) and straight-out comics (Chris Rock) as well as the spiritual heir to Johnny Carson, David Letterman, whose out-of-town sardonic tone was not generally considered welcome in the auditorium.

Most awards shows feature people, as Sandra Bullock pointed out at the Golden Raspberry Awards, who’ve only turned up because they know they’ve won. The Academy Awards are different. Everyone nominated turns up, the results are still mainly unpredictable – even though 2010 was a dull year, the ratings were their best in five years.

If this awards show struggles, all awards shows are going to struggle.

So where do producers go for a host to help re-energise the franchise?

After Alec Baldwin played it safe this year and Hugh Jackman pandered to the crowd last year, a comedian is essential for next year.
They might be tempted by Jerry Seinfeld, the man who once said: “Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
Seinfeld is just coming off the back of an uber-flop, The Marriage Ref, a ref with worse reviews than Dougie McDonald so he may be deemed as too out-of-favour.

Chris Rock and Jon Stewart are gifted comedians but they were seen as Holllywood outsiders and thought unlikely to be asked back. As Stewart said to Letterman of the ceremony “we think it’s stupid” Letterman will be counted out for different reasons, after his messy personal life unravelled on screen.

Stephen Colbert, who could have a brilliant take on it, may be ruled out for the same reason as Stewart, Rock and Letterman – he’s an out-of-town outsider.

If they really want to shake things up, might be time to be brave and go for a real outsider – the first solo Brit host since London-born Bob Hope (whom no one considers a Brit anyway). No, not Ricky Gervais, who’s already failed the audition by insisting on his own script and no writers at the Golden Globes and producing a sketchy gag-to-hit ratio.

Nor Russell Brand, who’s done one BRIT and two MTV music awards but didn’t make one comment in 2007 that produced close to the level of hilarity from Joss Stone.

Producers could feel the fear and do it anyway by hiring this year’s first choice Sacha Baron Cohen, who left his own stamp on the MTV Music awards.

How about this idea from left field? He’s been in movies with Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, George Clooney and Uma Thurman. He’s just made British national hero status after taking up running. Plus, he’s very funny on the subject of movies without offending the audience.

Next February, send for Eddie Izzard. If nothing else, the costume changes could be interesting.

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